Veritas.

Ok so it's been a long time. I'm sorry.

I'm sure lots of fabulous things have happened. I am learning way too much in way too little time and I have no idea why I decided to take all these hard courses in my last term. I must be some kind of masochist. I've lost 21 lbs (healthily!) in 14 weeks and feel pretty good about that, though I've been a bit of a slacker this week. I miss my baby sister and grad school application is stressful as shit and I'm already nostalgic about the UofW and I haven't even left.

I've been tutoring/taking notes for M, a boy with cerebral palsy in his first year of university and it's really touch and go. He has his great days and his really down days. He can't really read or write on his own and depends pretty heavily on me because he and his respite worker aren't really getting along. It's a long trek out to his house for me, and I'm making it practically every day. With all the travel time I'm not making any money but it's worth it because he's super cool and deserves a chance. I wish it were warmer, though.

West to a Passion Party the other day. Was an odd experience because I didn't really know anyone other than K there. Awkward, but I think something everyone should do once in their lives. Surprisingly heteronormative though, and really fixated on loving, monogamous, straight, couples. There were surprisingly conservative undertones around a company that sells sex toys.

The Boyfriend and I are getting along, though there are things we need to work on. I thik we're just walking on eggshells until we find out about grad school. If we get in to separate places I have no idea what we'll do. The very thought freaks me out.

I've seen a lot of movies. Doubt was excellent, Benjamin Button as well and Revolutionary Road was...disappointing only because I had such high expectations. There were things I really liked about it and things that really bugged me. Interestingly, I also think it depended really heavily on Titanic as a sort of unofficial, AU prequel. You needed to love Titanic, my theory is, to understand the joy and rebellious passion the new Kate and Leo were supposed to have had. Which might explain why my mom, who hated Titanic(?!), also hated RR and why I was willing to cut it some slack. But the ending, oh the ending, was so terrible. Just typical of what I hate about so much literature and film. The whole film, actually, continually reminded me of Kate Chopin's The Awakening, which pissed me off to no end in high school. Slumdog Millionaire and Coraline are next on my list.

Oh! I'm 22 now. My dad called a few days after my birthday to apologize for not calling me on the day. He said he'd been in Mexico, without his cell phone, and that the hotel couldn't get a line out. Sure. Funny thing is, I hadn't even noticed the missing call until he pointed it out.

I feel weirdly uncomfortable in my life right now. Half the time I feel restless and ready to get a move on, and half the time I'm scared shitless and just want to hide in my bed forever. Come to think of it, this probably isn't weird at all.

More late...hopefully.

Current Location:	In bed
Current Mood:	discontent

That guy is freakin'  badass. I feel I should call my aspiring-journalist sister and tell her I have discovered her new hero.

No one will ever throw a shoe at Obama. Panties maybe.

Current Mood:	giggly
Current Music:	Circus - Britney Spears

I love the atmosphere in malls this time of year. There's this nervous anxiety mixed with sheer excitement. Moreover, it's the one time of the year when almost everyone is shopping for someone else, not themselves. And so you can practically hear people's brains working as they try to figure out who they need to buy for and what that person likes. I know there's this perception, and it's probably an accurate one, that Christmas time is becoming more and more selfish, but at the same time we spend an awful lot of energy trying to make other people happy.

I like the Salvation Army people ringing their bells (and am therefore over generous, though I don't generally prefer religious charities), I like fake!Santa in his fake!North Pole, I like waterfalls of red and green, I like line-ups, I like panicked men on Christmas eve, I like crying children and laughing children, I like paying someone to wrap my presents for me perfectly but I also like wrapping them crappily myself. I don't really go to shop. In fact, I think I'm mostly doing gift cards this year. But I like watching. If (sadly) malls are the last illusion of public space we have left I'm going to savour it, even if it does represent evil. And honestly, there's something almost quaint about going to the mall these days - everyone with the times shops online.

So Christmas has nothing to do with religion for me, but it is about a spirit. Everyone is happy around Christmas for no reason. Most of us know it's all socially constructed capitalist excuses to sell stuff, most serious religious folks know Jesus could very well have been born in June. Most of us expect to get all worked up and then have the actual day just end up a hassle and a let down. We know we'll have to put up with the alcoholic uncle, the screaming children, putting away the endless tacky decorations and that we'll feel guilty about all the trees our wrapping paper killed. And we don't care. By sheer force of will, against all logic, we're ecstatic anyway. Stubborn humanity at its best (worst?).

Current Location:	home sweet home
Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	Christmas Time - Backstreet Boys